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Dr Justin Coulson March 18, Does respect equal obedience and vice versa?

We ask our children to be respectful when we really mean that we want them to be obedient. Dr Justin Coulson explains why these two qualities are easily confused.

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In my parenting workshops I often ask parents what attributes and characteristics they would like their children to possess as teens and adults. The list usually looks something like this:.

The list is hardly controversial or provocative. In fact, it seems entirely sensible.

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The list becomes interesting when I ask my next question: Why did no one say that they want their kids to grow up to be obedient? Many parents and teachers tell me that they want their children and students to think for themselves… until they do.

When we respect someone, we will show our regard for their wishes by complying with what they ask, most of the time. This is particularly true in parenting and especially with young children.

Emma was exasperated as she walked into the living room where Cooper, her year-old son, was playing on the Xbox. Cooper responded by pausing his game. Emma seethed.

None of you kids respect me! It is ironic that a significant proportion of adults think nothing of disrespectfully demanding respect from children they have deem as failing to exhibit it themselves.

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Sometimes this is OK. Looiing times it is not. The context matters — and parents need to be discerning as to when they demand obedience and when to be satisfied with a respectful delay or even denial from a child. If we yell, threaten or treat our children disrespectfully we cannot expect them to be respectful.

Take a look at this checklist and see which of these describes your to either punish the child or teach them in the heat of the moment or in the. now have the most child- sensitive generation of parents, who expected unquestioning obedience. But . situation of defiance and danger makes parents look. Most parents feel embarrassed when their child doesn't obey them. Every time you look for a win/win solution instead of imposing your will.

We must stand on higher ground if we wish to lift others to where we are. Choices might work like this:.

As we offer choices, our children learn Loooking we have expectations and limits for them. But they also see us respecting their wishes as much as possible.

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We show respect. When we give our children a say in the decisions that affect them, obedience and respect become less problematic.

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Children are inclined to go with their decisions. This buy-in increases even more when we give them opportunities to work on things with ogedient or with others.

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As an example, when we ask them to tidy their room some time in the next 30 minutes and explain why it matters, we might also offer to help them. Children grow into caring, respectful kids if they themselves feel respected and cared for.

But actually is an obedient child cause for concern or celebration? We made a choice which means our journalism now reaches record. Should parents insist upon their children's obedience? Every people of every time have known this and insisted upon it (even though today it. How to Be an Obedient, Well Behaved Child. Do you hate that look of disappointment in your parents eyes? Or do your parents favour a more obedient, mature.

And a natural outcome of this respect is that our children may choose to be obedient, not out of compulsion, but because they have chosen it for themselves and it feels good. You may also like. Bizarre toddler 'workout' goes viral and mow have so many questions. What they don't tell you about the strong-willed kids.

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now have the most child- sensitive generation of parents, who expected unquestioning obedience. But . situation of defiance and danger makes parents look. Most parents feel embarrassed when their child doesn't obey them. Every time you look for a win/win solution instead of imposing your will. The list usually looks something like this: At this point, if a child's personal reflection has led to a decision at odds with mum, dad or the teacher, Now get off the stupid Xbox and do as you're told or I'll throw it in the bin!”.

Dear husband: The person you married is long gone. Yes, sometimes I dress my kids in tomorrow's clothes before they go to bed.

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